Keeping things together

Keeping it together emotionally and mentally is something that people with anxiety deal with on a daily basis, and it becomes even harder if you are a natural stressor. What I mean is that if you are like me and stress about little things that you don’t need to stress out about then it might become hard to keep yourself together mentally and emotionally. I am having that problem right now actually. I am going through some little life changes and I am still fighting to get myself out of academic probation and I only have the fall semester to get out of it now. The thing is once I get out of it I need to stay out of it. I don’t really care if I get a D in a class at this point because if it is the minimum grade that I need then I will take it since it will mean that I pass the course.

I haven’t been interested in writing recently so that is why the posts have been short and about whatever I can write about in a few short minutes. Sometimes people just need to get a break (vacation) from life and just spend time with their family and friends. For me, I like to spend time with myself and my family but that is only because I am a homebody and it is what makes me happy.

When I am at home I get to relax but then pretty quickly I need to take care of a 75-gallon fish tank that me and my dad share. Anytime I come home from college I have to clean the glass in the tank and the glass on top where the light shines through and then I have to change the filter and add water to the pump area. I feel like I am the one doing all the work on the tank even though it is both of ours and I am the one who keeps it maintained and checks the levels and keeps the fish happy. When I am away my dad feeds the fish and I don’t know what else but I know he does that much.

Recently I found out from cleaning the tank that we have a lot of little starfish which look like they are babies. Not too sure where they came from but I am excited to see if they survive especially since we have one big starfish that rules the tank as it is. I make sure my dog is happy to and that becomes increasingly difficult when I need to clean up the fish tank and make sure all the fish are happy and healthy.

I tend to be superstitious but I have superstitious habits that are backward’s from what people normally think. When people say a black cat crossing your path is bad luck I think of it as good luck, same with walking under a ladder and when I mirror breaks well I don’t even believe that one. The one that gets to me the most is people telling me good luck when I have a test or quiz that I need to take. You see ever since I went to community college I found that when people wished me good luck on a test I did bad and so I would try to leave before anyone would tell me anything and then I would also try to not tell anyone that I had a test. I still do these things but now I am a little weirder about it. I see people telling me good luck on a test as bad luck since I always do badly on the tests when I am told that. What I do is I try to think about something that will make me calmer than what I would feel if I was told good luck and that tends to work for me.

I know being superstitious is a weird thing but it is still normal especially for millennials like me. I don’t know why I am superstitious but I don’t take things the way that they are meant to be taken. I always end up flipping them around and then it eventually works.


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